Open and honest communication is the key to creating and maintaining healthy relationships. But how is that done? What are the practical tips in doing that? Below are some pointers garnered through research, providing therapy and personal experience. The term “partner” is used, but these tips could be used in various relationships from a family member to a friend.
1. Say Something. If something is bothering you, it is better to speak up than to ignore it. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. That often leads to either resentment, or passive aggressive actions (such as saying that nothing is wrong, and then giving the silent treatment, or making snide comments.) To start the conversation you could say “There is something on my mind and I think we should talk about it”.
2. Listen. Intently listen to what your partner has to say. Let your partner finish their thought. The fall back position is to try and counter the point or object by giving alternative explanations. That may win the argument, but won’t help the relationship.
3. Be honest with each other. If you want the relationship to work, honesty is integral. That means that you will have to say what’s on your mind. Done with respect this can lead to great communication.
4. Respect each other. Your partner’s thoughts and feelings have value, as do yours. You may not agree with your partner’s thoughts and feelings, but that doesn’t mean you can’t respect them.
5. Use “We” statements and “I feel statements”. Avoid accusatory “you did this” statements, but rather how you felt when your partner did something you didn’t like.
6. Pick your battles. Some things are worth discussing some things not. Think about what’s important to you and what’s not.
7. Keep it on topic. Often fights feel like open season to bring up any and all things that have ever happened in the relationship. Keep it to the issue at hand and resolve it.
8. Know how to fight. Don’t talk over your partner or try to win points. It’s not a competition. Do not use degrading language, blaming, or yelling. Take turns speaking, and use time outs when necessary.
Communication is very important in relationships. These tips can help you communicate more effectively and strengthen your relationship.

For many of us, it seems the world of dating is now more than ever in a state of flux. While I am confident that bars and clubs will continue to be places where people meet one another, on-line dating and smart phone applications offer us the opportunity to meet people from the comfort of our own homes and as such have changed the stage forever.
Smart phone apps (or just the apps, as they are called) can tell you who is on-line, who they are interested in dating or having sex with, what their sexual proclivities are, their ‘stats’, and how far away they are in real time.
Many of us enjoy and are good at casual sex, but many of us still have difficulty connecting on a deeper level and forming loving lasting relationships that can be easily found on the apps.
Good sex is life affirming as can be a satisfying hookup, but a hookup is not the stuff of relationship building. In fact, with all the presumptions and emotions that can come with such intimacy, it can confuse us and complicate a potential relationship. When you meet someone for an old fashion date after being set up by friends, for example, you share details about yourself (like your real name, to start). Over time – but not too much time, you’ll both share your interests, your wants and needs, and you’ll both discover each other’s foibles. If you’re both honest you will find the connection grows and deepens, or evolves into something other than a partnership. You begin to trust the other person more and more as you each share discover the other. Love requires trust.
The problem with sex too early on is that we reveal and share our carnal selves in a most intimate way. For example, once you have been intimate in a sexual way with someone, asking them for their last name can be an embarrassing question. Not so, if done early on in the date.
None of this is to suggest that there needs to be a marriage proposal or a withering courtship prior to sex. What all this does mean, in my mind, is that you might want to consider where your hookup might lead in the long term, if what you want is a relationship. Does this hookup have potential, and if it does, what to do I next?
Good sex doesn’t necessarily have much to do with a good relationship (although a good relationship includes good sex – however partners shape that), but if you’re thinking about relationships, don’t think a hot hookup and sex means you’ve come across your lifelong partner. Ask those important questions, be honest, to meet again if that’s the right thing to do, but this time think about “do I want to date this person?” And start asking some other important questions like. “What do I want and need, what does he want and need from me, and could he or I really be that person for the other?” …and then go have some hot sex.

There are many types of relationships besides the standard, which in the dominant North American culture is monogamy. That is, having a sexual relationship with only one partner during a time period. Other types of relationships range from open relationships – where multiple sexual partners are allowed to Monogamish relationships, where, as termed by Dan Savage, a writer and columnist, refers to relationships where the couple is mainly sexually active with each other, but other partners are allowed. How non-monogamous relationships work differs from couple to couple.
But it seems that the more successful ones have an agreement as to how and when other partners are permitted. Sometimes they are limited to such conditions as “one-night stands only” or “when out of town” or “don’t ask don’t tell”. Often, opening up the relationship refers only to sex and precludes any emotional attachment. This, while sounding easy enough, maybe difficult. Sex can cloud emotions – and can lead to falling for the other person. It is easy to become attached to someone if the sex becomes more than sex – such as going on dates and spending quality time outside of the bedroom.
Regardless of agreements made, there needs to be a great deal of trust between partners to have a successful non-monogamous relationship. Anxiety about the relationship can be very high in these types of relationships. Sometimes one partner wants an open relationship while the other might not, but is fearful of losing their significant other. This type of situation is difficult to negotiate and may lead to problems down the road. A couple should think carefully if both are not on the same page about wanting some sort of open relationship. It can be difficult to restore the intimacy that could get lost in an open relationship.
While the idea of monogamish and open relationships are known of in the heterosexual community, the gay community, at least for men, appears to be more on board with the idea. This may be because many gay men have long adopted a “sex for entertainment” mentality where sex can be recreation, not procreational. There are caveats when it comes to such relationships though. Sometimes, couples complain about being bored with their partner and decide that opening it up is the only way to spice things up.
This can certainly be an option, but boredom can often be a symptom of a lack of communication between partners. You need to discuss with your partner what you want and need sexually. Most of us have been brought up in a culture where sex is not typically spoken of. But it needs to be. After the initial thrill of a new partner wears off, communication can help to keep needs met and partners happy sexually. But it starts with communication.
If, after you have established this communication and still want to open up the relationship, then talk about this too. There is much to discuss; and successful open relationships rely on it. In the end, both persons in a relationship need to agree equally on not only to open up the relationship, but how that is going to happen, and under what circumstances.

There seems to be quite a few people who suffer from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can hamper us in many ways. It can result in a lack of confidence to go after that job that you wanted, or that person that you have seen around. It can make us depressed and want to give up on the things we want in life.
There are several things you can do to boost your self-esteem. One way is to avoid negative self-talk. Calling yourself stupid won’t help. You may have done something that wasn’t the best idea, but it doesn’t make you stupid. Think about how you would react to someone else in the very same situation. Chances are that you wouldn’t be nearly as harsh to someone else as you are to yourself.
Another thing that can be helpful is to connect with people who love and support you. Tell them how you are feeling and listen to their positive affirmations. Avoid spending time with negative thinkers – it can affect how you think, and positive thinking goes a long way.
Focus on your positives. Make a list of things you like about yourself. I suggest writing down three things every morning that you like about yourself. Review your list every evening as an affirmation. It will get more challenging as the days go on, but searching for the positive in you can be very rewarding.
Learning to be more assertive can also be helpful. It certainly isn’t a bad thing to be helpful to others, but knowing when to say “no” means that you are less likely to be taken advantage of. This includes setting boundaries, such as when and how you are able to help when asked. What this means is taking control of your own decisions.
Challenge yourself with something that interests you. Be realistic – don’t set the bar so high that you are bound to fail, but make it challenging so that you can feel good about yourself for the accomplishment. Try a new recipe, sign up for a class, learn a new language. Small accomplishments can have a big impact on your self-esteem. Remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect at something – probably no one but you expects that!
Learn to accept compliments. Often people with low self-esteem shrug off compliments. You need not say more than “thank-you” to the person giving you the compliment, but let it sink in – you deserve that.
Take good physical care of yourself. Get proper rest, eat right and get some exercise. These things seem small, but they can go a long way to helping your self-esteem.
If things get too much to handle, seek professional support. There are various types of support such as counselling and therapy.
Positive self-esteem is important to good mental health – and you are worth it!